Midnight ride.....

Four girls in a hire car on a dark country road. No street lights, signs or cats eyes, just a self important sat nav. Fog rolling in thickly, and the windows fog up from the air con. The full beam light won’t hold unless the driver holds in place when it drops the lights go out completely……

*journey*

Two girls left in the car, they pull in and park. They try to get out of the car and can’t….the doors won’t budge. After a scramble they make it out and the car is locked. Inexplicably the driver’s light stays on…..

This is not extracts from a bad horror movie just some excerpts from our drive home last night

The end is not nigh it's near....

Easter is over as is my DVD fast. I will be honest I was weak and broke the fast once. I have extenuating circumstances though. I was in the Greenwich Hospice charity shop and they had Midnight Cowboy on DVD. I don’t have it and it would have been gone by now if I hadn’t bought it. The money went to charity and for this slip the fast was extended by two days till today. Unfortunately this slip proved that I cannot go forty days without buying a DVD.

Easter weekend was dominated by decorating the Bro’s new flat in Shepherds Bush. The people that lived there before were some new breed of filth wizards. They didn’t clean the flat before leaving or in the last four years looking at the level of grime. They also blocked the toilet before moving out. They left their fridge which is filthy and full of water. The freezer hasn’t been de iced since the polar ice caps started to melt and every drawer in the freezer is cracked or smashed. So I was painting, Bill did the electrics, Michael did the floors and it looks really good now. Not quite finished but we were all mentally and physically destroyed afterwards.

Apart from the decorating there was Wrestlemania which was amazing! Undertaker Triple H end of an era match should have been the main event not in the middle. The main event the Rock John Cena match was kind of dull. Shamus 18 second heavy weight title defeat was awesome.

Monday I went to see A Walk on Part at the Soho theatre on Monday. Now Chris Mullin’s political diaries turned into a play may not sound fun but it was hilarious. Naturally everyone else in the audience had actually read them apart from me and they were at least ten years older than me. You had one guy playing Chris and four others plating the entire Labour party form 1994 – 2010. A long play but so funny.

This weekend we have the Hen weekend in Falmouth. Ahoy me hearties Yo ho.

On the matrimonial note I also managed to double book myself for a date that I have had booked for nearly two years.

Top 5 Songs of the day

Mozart’s requiem (I don’t know why)

Adele- Hometown remix

Ed Sheeran- Lego House

Nico- Iron Man

The Beatles- Help!

It's alive.......

Haven’t blogged in ages. Life is busy but boring. Loads of work, very little play.

Mum was up a while ago and we went to the Picasso which was amazing. I wouldn’t go on a Saturday though, as it gets super busy. We didn’t have the time or the tickets for the Hockney but there are some Hockney’s in the Picasso exhibit. Lots of wine and we went to the saffron club I forgot how good their food was, shame about the Tory on the next table. I felt particularly

What kind of a person gives themselves potassium poisoning by eating a lots of bananas? My daddy that’s who.

I recently invested in some Hello Kitty fairy lights which are genius!

No quotes of the day Vanessa and Richard aren’t around.

This was asked of me via email - What are the three (physical) traits that most attract you to another individual? I will not except anything as generic as “head”, or “torso” or anything else like that.

I went with a tight but pert arse, nice eyes, and a good head of hair, unoriginal I know. The person that wrote the email thought I wouldn’t respond as it was demeaning, more fool him.

Izzy can sit up and shimmy now.

Top 5 Songs of the day

Massive attack – Paradise circus

Mumford and sons- Sigh no more

Massive attack- Babel

Lowkey- Long live Palestine

Lowkey- Soundtrack to the struggle

Dream of electric sheep....

Inhale, exhale, calm thoughts. Life is pretty busy at the mo, its only going to get busier. The joy of spring has been killed by having loads to do, the fact that the sun is shining is a bonus.

Following the above statement I went outside without a coat and was filled with the joys of spring and sunshine. There’s a smoggy sunny haze round the London eye today.

After typing the above we have descended into mist and grey clouds with a promise of worse weather over the weekend. You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone.

Had my first go at making a crocheted doll, it was easier than I thought. So I will be making at excessive number of weird dolls from now on. I will attempt to use my powers for good but if you start to feel some odd twinges and pains, you might want to reflect on whether I’m venting my feelings on a voodoo version of you.

So what is up with North Korea?  What happens now? 

Davy Jones died, spookily after Laura told me about the time she met him. I’m not apportioning blame as I was rambling on about Amy Winehouse’s impending demise the day before she died.

James Murdoch quit, that was inevitable. Did anyone actually read the Sun on Sunday? I hope not.

Andrew Breitbart died YAY! I don’t feel bad for saying that and in the hours immediately following the death of Ted Kennedy he called him a villain, duplicitous bastard, prick and a special pile of human excrement. I waited a whole 24 hours before calling him a right wing prick with a penchant for misrepresentation and slander.

Quote of the week

“I’ve never had a robot friend before” naturally Vanessa

Top 5 songs

Lana Del Ray – Video game

Lana Del Ray – Born to die

Lana Del Ray – Kinda outta luck

Iggy – Lust for Life

Lana Del Ray – Diet Mountain Dew

Agents and Academy...

A short scene

Agent: We’ve realised that your contract lapsed three weeks ago, can you come in and renew it.

Occupant: No I’m away.

Agent: How about Saturday?

Occupant: I’ll still be away.

Agent: How's next Tuesday.

Occupant: I’ll be at work.

Agent: The next Saturday the?

Occupant: Okay. Agent calls the occupant up the Thursday before the agreed upon Saturday

Agent: Hi OCCUPANT you said you’d come in.

Occupant: Yes on Saturday.

Agent: That’s tomorrow.

Occupant: No tomorrow is Friday.

Agent: Oh ok, I won’t be here but my colleague can do the contract ok.

Occupant arrives mid afternoon expecting agents to be busy showing a property, when they arrive the guy in the office doesn’t know what they’re talking about and their colleague won’t be back for a while.

Agent: Can I come in on Monday?

Occupant: No.

Agent: Can you come back?

Occupant: No by the time I leave and come back you’ll be closed.

Agent: You’ll have to wait.

After 15 minutes he calls his colleague, the contract is printed it just needs to be signed. He has a look for it for about ten minutes and can’t find it so calls colleague back.

Agent: which file is it in oh that one ok.

Hangs up, looks through that one and can’t find it. Looks in all the files again for another 15 minutes. Colleague calls back, it’s in whatever file. He finds it finally, occupant asks for the copy of the inventory that they’ve never seen. He hands occupant the contract and offers them a pen.

Occupant: I’m going to read it before I sign it.

He takes the pen away and he puts it in his desk drawer. Occupant sits and reads the contract, colleague comes in.

Colleague: It’s the same as last time.

Occupant: I’m not going to sign something I haven’t read.

Once occupant has read it and signed it. Occupant then asks for a copy of the inventory for the third time. They give occupant a copy and occupant leaves. When occupant reads the inventory it’s written in child’s scrawl, and has not been signed by occupant so it is in no way binding. It does mention the dust and crap that was on everything when occupant moved in.

2012 Academy Awards

So glad George didn’t win, he’ll get another one soon. Jean Dujardin's will never get another Oscar and this time next year he’ll be playing pan European villains in Hollywood films. Given the size of his face he might make it into a culture clash comedy. Meryl no surprise there, Christopher Plummer was another obvious choice, The Artist swept them all away, Octavia totally deserved hers, and Jessica Chastain looked amazing. Still can’t believe Ryan Gosling got left out this year. What was up with Billy and the black face?

Dresses

Loved

Michelle Williams

Agelina's apart from the right leg's bid for freedom

Gwyneth Paltrow

Viola Davis- bold choice

Jessica Chastain- Best dressed

Maya Rudolph

Stacey Kiebler- still can't believe George is dating a former WWE Diva

Lea Thompson- would look better on someone else

Millie Kemper

Wendi Mclendon-Covey

Kelly Osbourne

Judy greer

jane Seymour MILF

Penelope Cruz

Shailene Woodley

Rose Byrne- 2nd Best dressed

Esperanza Spalding

Hated

Rooney Mara

Melissa McCarthy

Kaui Hart Hemmings

Penelope Ann Miller

Maria Menounos

Natalie Portman

Kelly Ripa

Virginia Madsen

Missi Pyle- it hurts to look at

Indifferent

Anna Faris

Emma Stone

Sandra Bullock- where were here boobs?

Glenn Close

Milla Jovovich

Sarah Hyland- She needs to grow a pair

Meryle Streep

Leslie Mann- I can really see what she tried to do

Baby girl.....

Blogger has been weird so this blog should have been uploaded on Tuesday.

So last week I didn’t blog, I barely tweeted and Facebook forget about it. I was doing my uber intensive parenting practice round. Which basically means I lived at my brothers and took care of my niece for twelve hours a day (my sainthood is in the post apparently). It was really fun but exhausting in a totally different way to work. You can go for walks by the river and have cups of coffee but you’re never fully relaxed. Child care is a lot of fire fighting, on day they may be hungry and decide the only way they’ll ever be happy again is to consume twice their normal intake. This requires you to be psychic and able to produce milk and luke warm food out of thin air. We got through it all though. She now has amazing hand eye co ordination, and a sort of body drag which is her version of crawling, as such she is now in control. Gone are the days she’ll lie there and stare at you in awe, now she’ll blow raspberries while doing back crawl. This is fine if you’re not changing her nappy.  Words of warning never give babies lentils, also don’t then tell their parents they can go out for the evening as its valentines day. This leads to you being left to fire fight a difficult and disgusting situation on your own.

Moving on from my baby week I went to see two very different plays last week one was Pitch fork Disney with Nathan Stewart-Jarrett he is extremely hot up close. It was an intense piece about fear with some absurdities. The other play was The Devil is an Ass, the first play featuring both my parents. It’s not the easiest play as its Shakespearean language with none of the familiar stories, both parents were wicked and the play is funny.

As I was off on my baby vacation and in Plymouth I wasn’t home all last week and I was alone for a total of one hour last Saturday. It’s nice to be home alone with access to adult conversation, which is the first thing to go when you’re with a baby all day.

We’ve lost Whitney : (

I’m giving up DVDs for lent, this could be like when I tried to give up coffee and I fail in the first week.

I now have to be on Izzy’s nursery pick up file which means they have my picture so they don’t think I’m kidnapping her. There is now a file on me that doesn’t say WARNING or MAD. Huzzah!

Top 5 songs of the day

Bad meets evil Ft Bruno Mars- Lighters

Ozzy Osbourne- Dreamer

George Harrison- Here comes the sun

Ice Cube- You can do it

Montell Jordan- This is how we do it

Another day.....

Babies, mortgages, and weddings everywhere I turn. Makes me feel very immature.

You know when people cough and are sick you feel sorry for them until you realise you are being coughed at in stereo. Oh I won’t breath on you, great except you’ve just coughed at me without covering your mouth. You also keep touching stuff on my desk. Ewwwwwww. I don’t people having sick days and getting better, if you’re not that sick you should probably come to work but right now I really prefer it if these incessant coughers went home and coughed to their hearts content there.

Quote of the day

“I find pigeons insolent……especially indoors” Richard’s feelings on Victoria coach station

Top 5 songs of the day

Oasis- Don’t look back in anger

Adele- Rumour has it

Nada Surf- Popular

Mumford & Son- Liar

Mumford & Son- The Enemy

#tag

Haven’t blogged for days, I’ve been busy.

So Saturday the snow started to fall so I left Kingston. Managed to get to Waterloo without to many delays. All trains are running fine from Waterloo, that is until my train arrives. I get on and we wait, then we wait a bit more. Half an hour passes which I don’t really notice because I’m engrossed in Vanity fair. Then the driver starts making periodic announcements about not knowing when we’ll be leaving the station. Eventually we hear that there is a train just outside of Lewisham that’s not moving. I don’t live on the Lewisham line! My train is not moving and it might be worth you seeking alternative routes. This poor Chinese girl without a great grasp on English asks me how she can get to Plumstead, I don’t know but I suggest she talk to station staff. She asks me where she can get a taxi, I tell her and off she goes, I didn’t want to even imagine how much that cost her. I go to wait for the 188 outside none show up, I decide to get the 1 to Canada water and if I’m lucky get the 199 which takes me straight to my door. None arrive and I get a 188 end then I have to walk. That whole charade took me over three hours. Plus the path to my flat is treacherous without the four inches of snow, but I didn’t slip over which was great.

While walking from the bus I passed an obviously gay couple. One of them was wearing what can only be described as a double pointed drag queen wig and a floor length grey fluffy coat. He then proceeded to ask if anyone knew the way to Narnia.

I heard from people what they think of my blog, one person said she felt like she was there and that she could hear people saying their quote of the day. The most poetic description naturally came from Vanessa. My blog is apparently like a Victorian window with the curtains slightly open. Why the window is Victorian I’m not sure but I like the analogy, we agreed that if the curtains were fully open my blog would be a terrifying insight into a Burtonesque world of weirdness.

I was getting off the train yesterday and I got a whiff of a woman’s Tea rose perfume. My mind was then filled with childhood memories of mum, she used to wear tea rose perfume amazing how a smell can invoke memories.

Do you ever laugh and think it doesn’t sound like your laugh? That happened to me yesterday, I laughed and I swear it was someone else’s laugh. 

I missed my Monday Haiku.

Brick lane to be uncobbled for the Olympics! Last time I check there are no Olympic events in brick lane. Barcelona does have the best pavements in Europe because of their hosting of the Olympics but Brick lane covered in tarmac is ridiculous. It’s a market lane, cobbles are part of the mise en scene and vibe. 

I cannot believe Kira sat next to Jake Gyllenhaal at the theatre, soooooo jealous.

Stitch N Bitch disintegrated last night so we went to the pub, which was a lot of fun. Four bottles of rose between four women would be fine except one of those women was pregnant so she had a coke. I think we all felt a little delicate this morning. Warning kiwis become piros when drunk.

Sticking your face in mine and saying “How’s Martha then?” is not a polite enquiry. It freaked the fuck out of me.

Top 5 songs of the day

Nada Surf- Popular

Mumford & Son- Liar

Mumford & Son- Enemy Within

Johnny Leyton- Johnny Remember Me

Nada Surf- If you leave

You gotta be cruel to be kind....

I walked past a man dressed as a rhino when I went to buy my lunch. Okay no biggie he also had a sign that read ‘save the rhino’. The exceptional thing about it was that no one batted an eyelid, not even a second glance. How is that possible? I know you see a lot of stuff like that everyday in London but I think it warranted a second look. I then forgot about this, when I remembered Vanessa suggested I should have taken a pic and tweet it with the caption “this is what I had for lunch”. Shame I have the worst cameras on my phone ever.

The weekend is here, this week has gone ridiculously fast. Not that I’m not jazzed that it’s the end of the week it just seemed to fly by. Still freezing out there, I wonder if we’ll get some actual snow over the weekend. Probably not, even it we had snow I would still have to go to work because the DLR is snow proof.

I watched The Puffy Chair last nigh, it was genius. Love the Duplass brothers can’t decide if Its John or Scrabble is my favourite of their shorts.

Okay either I’m starting to suffer from black outs or some people are odd. I’m aware that this person walked past my desk and said something, he didn’t look at me. I naturally assumed he was talking to himself. An hour later he was leaving for the day and he came over and said “Thanks for the offer but I’ve just taken my last aspirin maybe next week”, to me that sounds like I offered him a pill more potent than aspirin. I did not and I can’t even think why I would. BIZARRE

So I told you these things hadn’t arrived in the post you were surprised. I went through and detailed in more than one email these missing items, you did not respond. I just found these missing items under a pile of crap on your desk. Thanks for your help.

Quote of the day

“We’ve all been pretty and dumped.” Vanessa again

Followed by the over inflated Duncan “Once you fall for me you fall hard.”

Top 5 Songs

Puretones- Addicted to bass

The Avalanches- Frontier Psychiatrists

Adele- Day dreamer

Akale- Freedom Lasso

Adele- Someone like you

Underwired and overtired...

Neck pain is subsiding. Whoop! Not a particularly exciting day. Blanket is pretty big now and Guna wants me to make a jumper for son which should be fun.

Izzy’s new vests arrived, and they’re still minuscule but I do kind of miss her being an itty bitty baby. If I feel this way at 7 months how am I going to feel at 7 years?

There wasn’t going to be a quote of the day today as I didn’t want to quote any of the lunch time conversation since it was mostly about the hanky code. A complex and detailed system, that relays on the demographics understanding of patterns and shades of colours. You get it wrong and you’re in the shit in more ways than one.

Totally separate but still relating to homosexuals. Would the phrase “sweaty men getting ass-crippled” be a positive review of a gay club? Personally I feel its subjective, what do you think?

Quote of the day

“It’s never ending. I haven’t had time to fart” Vanessa the first person to have consecutive quotes of the day

 

Top 5 Songs

New York Dolls- Trash

The Smiths- How soon is now?

The Clash- London Calling

Scotty- Draw your Breaks

The Melodians- Rivers of Babylon

Personal hate boats....

A boat filled with all the people, beliefs and ideas you hate, at this point most of them are tea party republicans. This came out of someone (Russell) asking if Newt Gingrich floated my hate boat. My response was that all republicans floated said boat. His response was “We’re gonna need a bigger boat…”. One of my favourite phrases, this then made me want Richard Dreyfuss who I love to be on the hate boat. Apparently my hate boat would sink cinematically due to the volume of people and ideas that I hate. I don’t really do hate. I can hate ugly shoes, under ripe avocado in my sushi, and republicans but on the whole it’s kind of useless. I have a pathetically hippie mantra of “ignorance is to be pitied not punished”. Saying that though there are a lot of racist twats that I’d like to punish, it could be called a hate hate crime. My hate against their hate has led me to commit said crime. You could call a double H crime and steal some of Triple H’s lines such as “time to play the game” or my personal fav “I will cripple your ass”. Someone’s boat would come unscathed through insuperable odds and then right at the end, just when all the people he hates thought they’d survived, the boat would be hit by a massive flaming meteor. NICE

At this point if I could draw like AK I would have some cartoons or doodles of hate boats, oh well. I might get Richard to make me an origami one.

I know I don’t normally wear pink tops with flowers, but the number of mentions and compliments make it sound like I stalk around dressed at the crow on a normal day. Anyway knighthood lost, why is this so shocking? His knighthood throws others into disrepute, this is not the days of chivalry and joust a knighthood gets you the prefix of sir. I’m sure he’ll find some way to console himself what with him still being rich. I had a mad moment on twitter last night, I decided to look at RBS and the Wall Street journal’s twitters. Shameless pandering to capitalism not really that shocking, not sure why I bothered to look. I wish Demi would tweet, I know she’s not on top form but I miss her tweets.

On another note I received an email informing me that my Livejournal was going to be purged. So I logged on for the first time in four years, and had a read. WOW who knew there were so many ways for me to say I'm so wasted, I was so wasted, or this one time we were wasted. There were a lot of spelling mistakes. What a twat I was at 19, I've deleted the account after copying a few choice passages for myself.

Quotes of the day

“Feel how hard my avocado is” Vanessa, not a dirty euphemism as I thought but literally she wanted me to feel how hard it was. Bit of a non sequitur.

“That makes you look friendly and approachable” Joanna to me in reference to the bright floral top I’m wearing today.

Top 4 Songs

Semisonic- Closing time

Dandy Warhols- Not if you were the last junkie on earth

Infant Sorrow- Going up

Jimmy Cliff- You can get it if you really want

A pain in my…..

I picked something up off the floor without crying. That is my major achievement of the day. This morning I turned around and my neck went weird. Thinking it was a crick I attempted to loosen it with some neck roles, this led to me making odd squeaking noises on the train to work. When I got to work and tried to remove my coat, it was a new level of pain. I have since chowed down on ibuprofen and I’m wearing a heat patch. Stupid nerve, ow ow ow fucking ow! So I can’t turn my head to the right, its not like cars come from that direction or anything important.

"They're not very monotonous" Laura, she meant monogamous. Apparently Vanessa would like to be in a monotonous relationship.

Top 5 Songs

Kimya Dawson- Tire swing

The Beatles- I want to hold your hand

Antsy Pants- Tree Hunger

Kimya Dawson- Loose Lips

Regina Spektor- Fidelity

(Can you tell I watched Juno last night?)

Happy days.....

Is it wrong that I walked past someone’s desk last week and saw a new Banana Yoshimoto book and wanted to steal it?

Nothing as lovely as opening post taking out a survey card flicking through paper work to read the comment “found in bin”. Ewwwwwww!

Friday and payday! Best day ever, its now been and gone. It’s less amazing after you pay the bills.

Meeting room theft seems to be a constant problem these days. There a nervous people that hover for extended periods outside hoping the thieves will leave, those that simply walk in and tell them its booked (polite get the fuck out), those that knock first before kicking out the thieves, the mimers that never speak to the thieves but explain through the magic of mime that the room is booked, and then thieves themselves that are initially confident in their thievery and become more nervous as more people walk by, as they be the people that booked the room. There is then the other breed that begin long conference calls or presentations, these people are harder to move. On occasion they will not acknowledge the hoverer and at other times one will come out and explain that they can’t possibly leave as they’re right in the middle of INSERT CLIENT RELATED THING. I myself was a victim of a particularly heinous room theft. I had had the room booked for two months with more than ten people plus clients expected. A group of people from another department took the room, ignored my hovering and glass tapping. WANKERS! I’ve moved on though clearly. On a similar note a group of VIPs were squeezed into a tiny room this morning. Its rather humorous actually, looked like none of them have ever been in such a small room let alone for a meeting.

Why does Greenwich Picture house have to schedule the screenings of Shame at extremely early or late times its annoying. I was completely appalled by my sister in laws experience at a mother and baby screening the other day. Apparently it’s a common problem that the cinema let non mother and baby customers into the screening. As a cinema goer if I walked into a cinema with the lights on and women with babies I’d go ask for my money back. The delightful group of people that were in this screening didn’t do that. They sat at the back and watched the film, so of course Izzy had a bit of a scream. This is normal for mother baby screenings, so Hannah walked around with her trying to calm her down. One of the old ladies came up to her, we’re talking closer that normal social boundaries dictate and screamed at her. The general gist being that Hannah is being selfish and should get out. This was naturally upsetting and unnerving for her, then another mother piped up and said that she shouldn’t leave and had every right to be there. The screaming woman sat down and watched the rest of the film. The screaming woman also demanded her money back at the end of the screening, if she was that bothered she should have left. Hannah did get a free voucher for another screening, but it was a serious fail on the part of the Odeon and the screaming woman.

SAG Award dresses

Again Ariel Winter had the cutest dress

Kristen Wiig’s boobs seem to have disappeared in this dress

Berenice Bejo nice

Octavia Spencer much better than the globes

Angelina’s was dull to be honest

Kaley Cuoco FAIL

Jane Lynch love it

Jessica Chastain yummy

Ahna O’Reilly snooze

Regina King overfrill

Dianna Agron snooze

Quotes of the day

"I'm practically wearing skin" Overheard by Matt at London Bridge station

“   Top 5 Songs

Yeah Yeah Yeah- Date with the night

Velvet Underground- Heroin

The Gossip- Standing in the way of control

Ryan Gosling- You always hurt the one you love

The Velvet Underground- Venus in furs

Raging Rampage of the Cake Money Queen

The genius that is me fixed a database before I’d had my coffee this morning. Shame I didn’t do it before the programmer called in from his day off. Back to the amazingness that is my brain though, without coffee, before midday I achieved something that involves actual brain function.

So while in Tesco last night I was perusing the veg a man next to me doing the same, picked up some loose broccoli, turned it 360, sniffed and then went to put it back before realising I was judging him. He then put it in his basket and walked away. I picked up some broccoli and wandered off only to see the same man loitering at the edge of the veg isle. Whenever I go in Tesco now all I can think of is the man from Matt’s store where he wandered in naked and covered in shit.

Enroute to Tesco I passed by the exit to our basement from which a white van careered out with no care for the people in the road or the traffic. Given that someone has already been killed there you’d think they might drive slower.

Loving all the talk about the war on drugs at the moment. You get to read insightful pieces about how amazing mushrooms and other fun things are. I am convinced now that Mr Branson has some drug feels stashed somewhere since he has come out in support of more relaxed attitudes to drugs. A hundred years of the War on Drugs and every study shows that legalisation would make the whole process safer. I hope for the Layer Cake ideal of buying narcotics in the future where you’ll be able to by cocaine by Calvin Klein in the chemist. We could just revert to the early 20^th century model where you just tell them your name and address and then they give you heroin. Since alcohol consumption, alcohol related diseases and death are at an all time high

It’s a sad day when intelligent and relatively dirty minded people can’t come up with naughty euphemisms involving cake and icing. Wet, white, sticky….I could go on but really do I need to.

 

Third date and he walked her to the bus stop, he didn’t try to sleep with her! That sounds a bit wrong to me. He described her nice we’re torn between he’s just not that into her or he is desperately trying to play it cool.

13 films the Oscars missed

Tintin – Not worthy

Bridesmaids- Not worthy

Shame- They're stupid, stupid people with massive lapses in judgement and only a passing appreciation for stunning cinema

Drive- There aren’t words for how completely I disagree with this being left off the noms, up there with my feelings on best actor

We need to talk about Kevin- Released to long before the awards season

Carnage- Hasn't been a long enough gap since they tried to get Roman on his rape charge. Another six months and they'll start giving him awards again

Young Adult- Sometimes they're just stupid

Kill List- Tiny British film not really on the Academy's radar

Crazy, Stupid Love- Not worthy despite the killer cast

The Devil’s Double- Films about Saddam and his family are automatically excluded

Submarine- Tiny off beat British comedy not really on the Academy's radar

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo- Not worthy

Senna- Documentary with no voiceovers they just don't get it

Quotes of the day

Combi quote is today’s winner

“You’ll be alright walking to the bus stop, you look like you can handle yourself” Duncan to Kira (his boss) followed with “No I mean you’re scary looking” Later referring to this as “when I said you were an ogre”

“Do you really think I care about that? I would snap him up even if he had a humpback. CAKE AND MONEY.” Richard

“She’s not all haggis and battered Mars bars” Duncan

Top 5 Songs

Runaways- Cherry Bomb

Iggy- Lust for Life

Joan Jett- Bad Reputation

Kayne West Ft Jamie Foxx– Gold Digger

Stooges- Never Met a Girl Like You

Just to be nominated…….

I’d like to thank the Academy for making a pretty huge mistake in the best actor noms. What is wrong with you people? I get that there have been mass deportations of Latinos and they all want to appear liberal, but this just takes the biscuits.****  Write a letter to your congressman or write an angry blog but don’t just nominate the Latino actor for the hell of it. It’s a wishy washy film that has no place in the best actor category. Michael Fassbender in Shame has clearly been left out because INSERT REASON OF YOUR CHOOSING

a- Directed Steve McQueen (right off the bat this confuses them)

b- Shame is about sex addiction

c- Most of them haven’t watched Shame

d- They’ve just decided to further stack the deck for George

e- They threw some names in a hat and grabbed the first three that came to hand. I say three because they know they’ll never give it to Gary and they’re desperate to give it to George.

Answers on a post card.

My feelings on the other best actor noms this year they seem determined to give it to George even though the role/performance is not earth shatteringly amazing, Brad it’s a nice little performance but that’s it, Jean couldn’t not be nominated but he won’t get it, I think I’ve made my feelings clear on Damien’s nom, and Gary is doomed to be nominated till they give him his life time achievement. Annoyingly I thought Damien’s portrayal of Fidel in Che was top notch, so it’s not that I dislike him as an actor I just don’t think he’s a heavy weight yet.

My predictions and personal choices (who I want to win) will be available later this week.

A few wobbles on the tea front today. I’ve wanted a cup of tea twice today but I’ve managed to quash the urge.

I had one of those Mondays that drain all the energy restored from the Sunday morning lie in. Not really sure why it was an average day macro doesn’t work, data, phone calls, emails, data, pay claims and more data. Felt like a precursor to a long and relatively stressful week. Upside pay day on Friday, so the poverty of January will be over with. Tuesday has not faired much better on the work front. Although, it was so sweet when Dunc appeared with a cup of coffee that I hadn’t even asked for this morning.  I think Richard’s guilt trips have started working.

On another note the paranoia induced from a single look from a certain person is absolutely ridiculous. One of those things I should really get over but it’s a knee jerk paranoid reaction. I think a lot of it is to do with the angle that someone looks at you. Plus I don’t have anything to be paranoid about its just general neurosis.

Sherlock WOW. As a geek of the books I was so impressed with this episode, obviously Izzy decided to have a chat with herself while it was on so there was a lot of pausing. The most difficult pause was three minutes from the end and I had to wait for the muffler to be muffled. Can’t wait for next season!! Is there anything else worth watching on TV at the mo? Cause I can’t find it.

Final thoughts

I’d like to Ctrl+Z on a large portion of today.

To add insult to filmic injury the Orange Filmtogo free download this week is Vera Drake the worst Mike Leigh film ever nominated for a BAFTA.

I actually heard someone outside of my family say “as the actress said to the bishop” today

I had a very vivid dream about electric cars and woke up wondering why they beep like that, of course the beeping was my alarm.

Tea count: One cup on Saturday, I can beat this almost addiction without giving in to a higher power

Quotes of the day-

Unfortunately Adrien the quote of the day went to Helen.

“Old girls can’t get wet, they get flu you know.”

Closely followed by Richard

“I don’t know why people feel the need to dance around the fact that I’m absolutely gorgeous”

He then attempted to sing to which Laura responded

“It’s a good job you’re beautiful.”

Top 5 songs of the day

Iggy Pop- The Passenger

Lowkey- Soundtrack to the struggle

Adele- First Love

Pink- Just like a pill
Rihanna- Unfaithful ( I didn't enjoy it honest)

**** This rationale for the Academy’s insanity was bought to you by Richard Brophy

She Bangs

Drinking tea more! This is definitely a sign of ageing. No word of a lie on Tuesday I had two cups of tea and no coffee. Okay so this doesn't sound groundbreaking in terms of the volume of tea consumed but I'll give you some context. Baring herbal teas which don't really count, in my life I have never drunk tea. On occasion I would just say yes if tea was offered to save on the whole conversation about why I don't drink tea. Which lets be fair in this country is on par with having the "I'm an atheist" conversation at a dinner party where at least one person is religious, or just with people that don't like your succinct you're dead you're dead stance. Back to my point I would accept the tea.

My dearest dad drinks copious amounts of tea, he has a huge mug in which he has to use two tea bags think costa massimo mug size. He recalls fights of tiny hands (mine and my bro's) attempting to shove biscuits into his tea. Given the size of the mug and the fact that both our hands could fit into the mug, he ended up with a lot of biscuit in his tea.

I would say it was back in October at about 2am when I had deblued after Vanessa's birthday party that I first began this downward spiral into tea drinking. I had a scratchy throat and wanted a hot drink, in the cupboard was decaf tea bags (my dad's for when he comes to stay) so I had a cup of decaf tea before bed and didn't hate it. It kind of snow balled from there really. Most Saturdays are spent my bro's with the Izzmeister so tea is frequently offered and I have found myself drinking a cup a week since then. Drinking tea at work was a new low. I think it was mostly born out of not wanting to make another pot of coffee. Two cups in a day though has set alarm bells ringing, those of you reading this blog regularly will be hearing more about this slippery slope of tea drinking that I'm on.

Of course it's the tea that's the clear sign of me ageing, and not the sensible cardigans I've been wearing or the two loaves of home made bread I baked this week.

Moving on from tea if i can it's been a very long and draining week. Loads of work to do, good that I'm getting sleep but I do feel drained. Friday tomorrow which means the weekend. Babysitting on Saturday which is fun, hopefully the rash is gone so I won't be treated to two hours of screaming while I try to roast a chicken. I think that coupled with the incineration of my plastic sieve last week when I decided to cook broth, rice and wash my hair all at once shows that I should try not to do to many conflicting tasks at the same time.

The title of today's blog comes from my complete loss of musical taste today. I felt the need for some bouncy mindless pop music while I trawled through lots of lovely data. Once you hit Vengaboys, you know Aqua is never far behind, not quite sure where the link is but youtube felt that I would probably want to listen to Ricky Martin as well. So I did and instead of being buoyed up by music I found myself listening to the song three or four times because I'd forgotten how ridiculous the lyrics are. An example "when she moves she moves" obviously the suggestion is that she moves in a particularly provocative and rhythmic fashion. To me it just sounds silly. Another example "we're gonna rock this town alive" I assume is Latino pop for paint the town red. It could also be a line from a zombie film starring Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson that feels the need emulate the expert punning of Freeze in Batman & Robin. A key line though is "She reminds me that a womans only got one thing on her mind" the precursor to this is "No one ever looked so fine" should the line not then be "She reminds me that a mans only got one thing on his mind" ? Also the pathetic " Talk to me tell me your name" don't know about anyone else but that is a wimpy line that if I guy said it to you would not automatically make you want to give him your best moves on the dance floor and elsewhere. I have to say it, at least Livin La Vida Loca made sense.

Top 5 songs of the day
Vengaboys- Boom boom boom
Ricky Martin-She bangs
Ricky Martin- Livin La Vida Loca
Aqua- Barbie Girl
Destiny's Child- Bug a boo